Understanding Grief: A Gentle Introduction to the Theories That Shape How We Heal

Grief is a deeply personal experience, yet it is something every human will encounter. When someone important to us dies, the world changes in ways that often feel disorienting, emotional, and sometimes impossible to put into words. Many people search for something that helps them understand what they are feeling. Over the years, several grief theories have been developed, not to prescribe how someone should grieve, but to offer a framework that can bring clarity and comfort.

As you read through these, you may find ideas that fit your experience and others that do not. That is normal. Grief is not one-size-fits-all, and these theories simply provide different perspectives on what it means to love and to lose.

I want to briefly walk you through some of the most commonly referenced theories. Each one offers a different lens, and in future blogs we will spend more time exploring them individually.

The Kübler-Ross model is one many people already know. It describes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Although these five stages were originally created to help explain how people adjust to terminal illness, they were later applied to grief. The language of stages helped people understand that grief involves a range of emotional responses, but it is important to note that people do not move through them in order. Many never experience all five. Instead, the model helps normalize that grief is nonlinear and that emotional shifts are part of the process.

Another helpful framework is Worden’s Tasks of Mourning. This approach views grieving as a set of tasks to work through at your own pace. These include accepting the reality of the loss, allowing yourself to feel the pain of grief, adjusting to life without the person, and finding a way to maintain an enduring connection. It highlights that grief involves emotional processing as well as practical adjustments in daily life.

Continuing Bonds Theory offers a very different perspective. Rather than encouraging people to detach, it validates what most grieving individuals already sense. The relationship does not end. It changes. The bond continues through memories, personal rituals, values that were shared, and the ways a loved one remains part of who you are. This theory can be especially comforting during times like the holidays, anniversaries, or quiet moments when the absence feels sharp. It gives permission to stay connected.

The Dual Process Model focuses on how people naturally move between two types of coping. One side involves confronting the grief, feeling the emotions, reflecting on memories, and allowing the loss to be present. The other involves turning toward the tasks of daily life, adapting to new routines, and meeting responsibilities. People often shift between these states from day to day. This model reassures us that it is normal to have moments when grief feels intense and others when life takes over.

There are also theories that look at how people make meaning after a loss. Meaning-making and post-traumatic growth do not suggest that loss is positive. Instead, they recognize that many people begin searching for meaning or direction as they navigate grief. Some find themselves changing priorities, deepening certain relationships, or discovering strengths they did not know they had. These changes happen over time and often alongside pain.

Attachment-based theories also help explain grief. The relationships we formed early in life shape how we connect with others. When we lose someone central to us, our attachment system is activated, which can influence how we cope. This perspective highlights that grief reflects both the love we had and the sense of safety or identity that the person helped create.

Each of these theories offers something unique. Together, they remind us that grief is not a single emotion or a straight path. It is a reflection of love, connection, identity, and the ways we carry those we have lost forward with us.